Copycat or Trendsetter?

Ever felt sick of being followed? Or maybe sick of following people?

Well, I've experienced both and i am currently going through it all over again. funny thing is, i never learnt anything useful from the beginning and so, i don’t know how to cope now. at first my sister followed me, if it were as an idol I'd appreciate it, but it’s not, it’s merely copying whatever she feels like copying. that was just my sister, it’s entirely normal for your sister to tag around behind your fame, and it’s an entirely different matter if your friend (so-called) starts to do so. at first, when I'm initiating my plan (A.K.A MY BUSINESS) but just asking for their support, they turn down and start meddling with my plans, criticising and so on…. when they finally see the result, (which of course is POSITIVE and AS PLANNED) they want to dodge all their crap-beliefs and start following mine. AS IFFF!!!! c’mon lah.. don’t you ever get tired of following a person? give her some private time please!! if you’re not, I AM!!!! Orr,,, at least do me a favour, you feeble mankind, don’t discourage her/him when she’s about to carry out her plan.. give her some support even if you think it won’t work!….. you might think i’m a selfish person, BE IT. I JUST DON’T CARE ANYMORE!!!

I’m sick and tired of COPYCATS!!! I guess the reason why i don’t know how to cope with it now or didn’t learn anything useful from the start is because i always convince myself as being the TRENDSETTER.. (as what my mum used to say) but now, things are starting to get boring and repetitive.

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE!!!!!

You have no idea how I feel right now. Confused between am I doing the right thing and  is this what I actually want, trying to keep myself as composed as possible, taking in the situation- which is the totally opposite from what and where I used to be. I get it now. I cannot unite with the surrounding situation and with everyone else.

I have problems. Yes. I too know others have problems. Well, in fact I think my problem as a terminal illness. I don’t wish to elaborate more on that. However I try or others try, it just makes matter’s worse. I could control it, but then… I simply don’t know how to describe.  It’s better off not known. 

Being in college was supposed to be fun. It is, I admit that. But only to an extend where I don’t think I’m leading my own life. More like a puppet’s. I try my best at getting used to the surrounding but when I do, I never feel comfortable, there’s guilt. Guilt in which the things I never used to think twice about. Now sitting here, facing the computer makes me wonder did I actually choose my path? Is this what I wanted?

I’m gifted. In many ways others could not have imagined. I’ll possibly get over this after a while, but I just won’t be the same person anymore. Well, at least not the health one I used to be. I’d be more of a tape recorder which the coils have been pulled out of their sockets and is unable to get repaired again. I don’t want that. Never, but I don’t think I have a choice either.

#sad song playing in the room beside me. I hate that because its altering my mood right now.#

I talk in riddles, well here’s one thing I wish to spill out. I HATE THESE BLOODY SCHOLARSHIPS. They’re prejudiced. There’s not much of a choice and I just don’t get the point in getting straight As  in SPM now. I have enough stress in college, I don’t want to think about the lack of one A+ all the time people ask me why I didn’t apply for scholarship. Well, tell me which BLODDY SCHOLARSHIP GIVES MEDIC TO INDIANS?! Then I’ll definitely put an effort. Just don’t come to me asking me to go searching. I have much better things to do. < ---- which is what I haven’t had the time to figure out.

I’m most probably rattling my brain for a sad excuse to blog because of the incident that happened today. I left my id card in my bag and therefore tried forging into the dorm by using my friend’s id. Well, unfortunately.. (didn’t I tell ya before luck never sides me?) I was found out. I don’t mind that because it happens to college students.. this mischief is what makes things going but the part where the guard said she didn’t like people forging ids… I was pissed. I didn’t even bother looking at her face. C’mon man. Be realistic. I saw her letting the seniors in and out of the dorm.. SHE DOES THAT TO ALL THE MALAYS.( no offence.. well heck. I don’t care if you do either). AND TELL ME, WHAT RIGHT DOES SHE HAVE TO SAY THAT TO A FRESHMAN LIKE ME?!

                                                                                                                                #going crazy and really confused#

Making choices

Why can’t i make a simple choice?
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The throbbing head and hammering questions lingering in my head makes me wanna’ puke at myself. Am i that undecidable? What do i actually want in my life? sighs*.. TT.TT if you ask me, making a choice could be my worst nightmare- sometimes. It’s as if you know it would turn out right, but what if.. WHAT IF... things turn out sour? Will i be able to handle it? Am i that interested in the career that i’d be willing to preevere?

*tears accumulating*

 i feel absolutely useless. Why did god have to create a human being so perfect (in the sense of no terminating disease or handicapped) and present a puzzle together? I mean, what’s so hard in choosing what you like to do? Look... this is why i feel i can’t decide. I love to write... but the thing is, when i see or read novels and WATTPAD, i feel there are much more people who are potential writers and i feel.. well, kind of insecure (if you know what i mean) i feel i might not stand a chance against them.. i’m definitely not optimistic, the way i express my inner feelings towards myself, neither am i completely pessimistic; because i don’t give up entirely. This is where the trouble begins, i’m captured between the two... trying to make decisions and trying  to judge.

 MY LIFE’S COMPLICATED AND I’M MUCH MORE COMPLICATED. 

You know why when i grow up i would like to have a room to which i could stare up to the empty sky wonder in the galaxy of stars? Yeah, to reflect on my decisions and whatever i’m facing. I feel staring up at the stars could make me a bit relaxed and self-appreciative.

 *crying*(don’t mind me- though there might not be anyone reading this)

 self- appreciative? Wait a sec. Who am i kidding?! I could be the uttermost timid person on earth!!!  I'm incapable of getting my confidence right. I know it doesn't make sense, but alas, my life doesn’t, i don’t.. why should what i say make sense?.. forget what i just crapped. i’m already screwed up anyway. I often find myself comparing to others and i don’t know what i want. I‘m a ship sailing without proper navigation. I’m useless in the' courage the cowardly dog' show.

 I’m everything but what you know me of. I’m an actress when it comes to communicating with people. I’m fake. I’m even unsure of what i am!!!

 #sad sad story of a girl#

cocky posts and counts

i've just checked in my facebook account . the most resilient social web. guess what? i deserve a break LAH. according to my chemistry tuition teacher, you need a break or else your performance would drop..... sorry this post was supposed to be long long back..but since i just opened my blog,you see... i have to post it now.

TRIALS OVER PEOPLE!!

yahhoooo!!!~~~ WEEEEEE WOOHOOO!!!!! ohh yeahh baby, SCREAM WITH ME!!!!!! MY FEEBLE UNCONVINCING HUMANITY TAKING CONTROL!!!!! done with that and now, i would like to take this opportunity (cuz i only happen to listen to the thoughts i voice out once a blue moon) to remind myself that TRIALS is just over but, BUT, see that but over there? ohh yeah, mmhmm. SPM is around the corner too. soo, giddy up man, buck up and pull up ya' socks. and i think i should be changing the layout by now. the writting style and colour is just too simply striking. but i can't happen to customize my blog like some people do with emo-graphics and DevianArt designs. i'm so 'under the shell' when it comes to techno-gadgets. i seem to have writers block all the time. and wait ohh i've got plenty to write about. just remembered. i'm lazy actually. there. the truth all out and clear. SHINE SOME LIGHT HERE PEOPLE. my blog literally has cobwebs with a "herd" (note that exaggeration) of creepy crawlies everywhere. BM - freaking hard. but thank god for some last minute tip offs from my tuition centres and my inbox filled with spot questions, i managed to pull it off. BI- ahh... i wrote an essay ending with 'she's different now and she knows it' it's a story of a girl whereby who is obnoxious and lackadaisical about people's feelings, then turns over a new leaf when she realises she is constantly surrounded by frenemies. ( more of a pathetic story line but i have no choice!) PHY- i crapped most of the paper 1 (obj questions) and paper 2 is my only hope since i GUESS i lost 12 marks in paper 3 with simple CARELESS mistakes. the problem to my case is that i'm always studying at the eleventh hour!!! see even now? i'm wasting my precious time watching some drama and typing out silly daily-dwells. so, i've decided from now on, NO MORE LAST MINUTE STUDYING - i have eye bags so dark that it's becoming permanent- and always ALWAYS I SAY prepared for the worst (marks) TILL THEN PEOPLE, GOOD LUCK AND LETS HAVE SOME FUN TIME STUDYING TOGETHER!!! - be inspired by inspiring others-

We are one BIG family

       Written with lots of  love by,     

       Nur Azdiyanah Bt Mohd Nazri & Nur Atilia Bt Ahmad Sani

       5SC5 2011

We are one BIG family

Just like Jason Mraz’s lyrics, “we’re just one big family, and it’s our God-forsaken right to be  loved, loved, loved, loved, LOVEEEEEDD~~”.  Yes, those words represent who we were.  We were full of love and we were one big family. People might think  that all of us were just classmates, who used to study  in the same class just for two years. But, for those 710 days, we  were like brothers and sisters. We laughed together , we played during class breaks together, we ate together when we were hungry, we celebrated our birthdays  by throwing eggs at each other and sang birthday songs in five different languages! We even cried and shared our problems together in that livid two years. Many things did happen to us, and it passed with a lot of joy, even though they hurt sometimes.

Well, to be in order, let us start with our leader. The most MOST responsible person in our class. Low Yeek See, our class monitor. She took  good care of us. Seriously, we did feel protected because of her. She was the one who would kick us out of the class to go to Physics lab when we were late for almost 20 minutes. She was the one who would shout “Classss, STAND!!” and, we would stand afterward. But, when we teased her about Mr K, she would definitely chase us around the class.  We would never forget her beautiful voice at all. Sitting beside her, was our ‘AH LONG’- Lee Ning Huan. Every month, she would walk around the class, from table to table and asked us, “you mau bayar duit class tak?” and of course we had to close our faces with books everytime she came up with that question. It was like a disaster actually. (no offense, Ning Huan).  Well, she had a scandal  with our assistant monitor, Izzat Munawwir. It was made up by us actually. Izzat, to us, was the most humble boy in our class. He had no problem in helping everyone in the class and every time we shouted Ning Huan’s name to him, he would be blushing right away. Funny actually.

Then, coming to the Juliets in our class. Who else if not Sylvia and Mohana? Sylvia who ‘came from Japan’ because of  her  nanny, and Mohana who was like a Bollywood actress to us , were a bit ‘blurry’, sometimes. Just imagine, when our teacher JUST told us, “Ok, class, you don’t have to draw those diagrams “and  Sylvia would ask,  “ Teacher, do we have to draw?” But, when Sylvia praises one of the Malay boys  in our class, he would shout and cry “ Sylvia kata aku handsome hariniiiii~~” and go on non-stop for the whole day. It was predicted that Mohana who was  rumoured to be in a ‘relationship’ with Surendran, ( this was made up by us again ) would be successful doctors in Malaysia one day.

All the time, the class wouldn’t be quiet, unless our naughtiest boy was asleep or he was absent. Well, surely all of you knew him. Nazmi Syah of course! Sitting beside, was Hafifi or most of the time known as Arab, and just next to Hanis’s table, Nazmi just can’t stop saying that he played as Kasyah in the movie “Lagenda Budak Setan” (Kasyah was known as Budak Setan in that movie,and all of us quite agree with Nazmi because he was exactly the same like Kasyah as disturbing people was his hobby). Nazmi would disturb Hanis(especially) all the time. And every time he did, Hanis would shout “ IISSSKKKKK! Aku benci hang tau dak! “ and all the Malay boys would laugh together with Nazmi. However, even though Arab was sitting beside Nazmi, he was in the contrary of Nazmi. He was kind and humble. And, Arab had a scandal with Atilia ( it was made up by us AGAIN ). Many people knew about this scandal including En. Sharizan and he always teased Atilia by calling “Abang Fi”. (Of course this part was written by Azdi, though she knows that she would be in trouble with Atilia!)

Sometimes, all of us were very naughty too! When Sabeo got confused during Physics class and asked Madam See, a LOT of questions, Wei Hung would start to push the transparency paper up and down, and then Madam See would start walking around our table with her ruler. And when the exams were just around the corner, Madam See would always tell us, “You must read my notes…Everything is in my notes….”

Sitting beside Wei Hung in the class were Chung Shang Pinn and Hoo Zong Zhe. The three of them used to  sit at the back of the class. If they could not hear whatever teacher was saying, especially, when our lovely Puan Asma was teaching, we would hear them shouting together,” Teacherrr, we cannot hear you~~”. Shang Pinn and Zhong Zhe represented the school in basketball because both of them were very tall and TALL. Actually, both of them were handsome, especially Shang Pinn, when he wore his blazer. (HEHEHEHE :p).

Fatin Nabilah and Yashni were sitting next to each other. Yashni was also our school librarian together with Nazihah and Khadijah and they were very hardworking. For your information, Fatin can communicate in German too. And as everyone knows, she had her own accent when she spoke. She usually spent her time in class with Ellisya and Hanisah. Well, Ellisya, Hanisah and  together with Fatin would always enjoy themselves together. Sometimes, they would start singing songs with weird lyrics loudly, and the whole class would burst out in laughter.

Then coming on to the good girls in our class. They were our “Master of Accounts”-Su Ming, our “Master of Addmaths”-Jia Xuan and, Ying Xing who was cute every time she smiled. Actually we were scared to sit beside them during examinations. Haha yeah, when we were struggling to get the answer, they had actually finished answering the question. Well, in our class, Zainab was called ‘ J ’ among the Malay boys. She looked quiet but do  not judge a book by its cover because she was the cleverest student among the Malays in our class. Syamimi and Atikah sat right next to each other. Atikah was a person who easily freaked out while Syamimi was very steady and cool even when teacher got mad at her.

Who didn’t know Kesihain? Even, some Malay girls in the lower form knew him, calling him, “Abang India Handsome”. We did ask him before, “Mak ang mesti cantik kan?” and he simply laughed. At times, he was very clumsy. There were several times when he came to class without carrying any bag, and he would ask us, “Weh, where’s my bag? LAA TERTINGGAL KAT TAPAK PERHIMPUNAN!~~”. Sitting in front of  him in class was Arvind. He was the most caring boy in our class. Beside him, was Ong Chun Fey. He really loved his family and he was very kind. 

Well, of course our class seemed incomplete without Ris, Syed, and Zafri. Everyday, Ris would look around if there was anyone who was absent because he hated to sit at his place. His hobby was to bully Atilia. Zafri was said to have a twin which looked like him and his twin was permanently situated in the Form 5 Biology Lab. You will see his twin when you are studying Biology Form 5, Chapter 2. And when we were hungry and in need of food, we would look for Syed. He was our food supplier and his mom was a good baker. Ohhh, the cheese tarts were very delicious!

Besides, Syazwan or most of the time called “Kak wan” was the most hardworking girl in our class. Everyone would look for her when it came to homework. And the person who always looked for Syazwan was Syahir. We always wondered what he did during his holiday? And, not forgetting the two of us, sitting next to each other, the happy-go-lucky pair. Sometimes, the Malay boys said that we were twins because we were always together and at times, happened to do the same thing! Well, then, when we were in Form 5, Azdi’s name seemed hard to be pronounced and  was immediately  identified as “Azaniyah” by our BM teacher.

So, we did have different characteristics, personalities and ideas but there were no obstacles for us to be a family.  All of us may go through different paths after this. We just hope that these memories will be the sweetest and the most memorable ones in our life. To all of you, we wish you all the best in your life after this and do not forget each other! Long live, The Happy Family of 5SC5.

 note: this was officially writen by azdiyanah and atilia for our school magazine, so copyright protected!! prosecutors would be brought to court!

2011 finally- relay

yes i know people.. i've been MIA for a while now. alright! for a long long time. gosh it's almost a year already!!! time flies...
this is what i'm going to do.. i'll beg you  to listen to all my crappy reasons for not being to update my blog and ask you to keep account of my updates
scrap that notion.i'm never going to waste anyone's time.

ok. the main reason why i felt like writing was relay!!! RELAY 2011 was just over. i'll post some pictures for you guys to see. it was awesome. for those who don't have a clue about what RELAYis, it's an inter-class competition where all the running sports are held and this shows the class unity among students depite different races and cultures. great way of cultivating 1Malaysia eh? btw, it was amazing!!! plus, on our last year too!!! Look, i'll list down the chronicles of things that happened.

-we did our class shirt. it was the most striking one among others
-we shared lots of laughter and drinks.
-all thanks to azdiyanah and atilia for being the best classmates of the year,
-also thanks to hanisah, ellisya and fatin for designing a very creative shirt.
-we made others so jealous of our class they decided to betray theirs.
-we cam-whored soo much our headmaster decided to join us for a little fun time
-no one was a party spoiler for once.
-as expected, we won the ' best supporters'
-now, i'm sure you guys are bored seeing words all over. let's move on to pictures.

 cam-whoring as usual, from left: sharon, me, catherine, sylvia 

 my wonderful classmates

 fatin -she's awesome for some reasons

 note how happy we are?? we're the family of 5sn5

 we stayed together through thick (we didn't win any medals) and thin (we won the best supporters)

 weird stunts but i love it though

 together we will survive. 

the envelope best supporters won from IniAnwarHadi (cikgu azman's son) who sponsored it.

even though our mother, (low yeek see)- the class monitor didn't come to relay, she was constantly with us- in our hearts-

i just hope we will not forget each other in the future. we do have a group(5sn5-closed) in facebook!! 

I LOVE YOU 5SN5!!