You have no idea how I feel right now. Confused between am I
doing the right thing and is this what I
actually want, trying to keep myself as composed as possible, taking in the
situation- which is the totally opposite from what and where I used to be. I get
it now. I cannot unite with the surrounding situation and with everyone else.
I have problems. Yes. I too know others have problems. Well,
in fact I think my problem as a terminal illness. I don’t wish to elaborate
more on that. However I try or others try, it just makes matter’s worse. I could
control it, but then… I simply don’t know how to describe. It’s better off not known.
Being in college was supposed to be fun. It is, I admit
that. But only to an extend where I don’t think I’m leading my own life. More like
a puppet’s. I try my best at getting used to the surrounding but when I do, I never
feel comfortable, there’s guilt. Guilt in which the things I never used to
think twice about. Now sitting here, facing the computer makes me wonder did I actually
choose my path? Is this what I wanted?
I’m gifted. In many ways others could not have imagined. I’ll
possibly get over this after a while, but I just won’t be the same person
anymore. Well, at least not the health one I used to be. I’d be more of a tape
recorder which the coils have been pulled out of their sockets and is unable to
get repaired again. I don’t want that. Never, but I don’t think I have a choice
either.
#sad song playing in the room beside me. I hate that because its
altering my mood right now.#
I talk in riddles, well here’s one thing I wish to spill
out. I HATE THESE BLOODY SCHOLARSHIPS. They’re prejudiced. There’s not much of
a choice and I just don’t get the point in getting straight As in SPM now. I have enough stress in college, I
don’t want to think about the lack of one A+ all the time people ask me why I didn’t
apply for scholarship. Well, tell me which BLODDY SCHOLARSHIP GIVES MEDIC TO
INDIANS?! Then I’ll definitely put an effort. Just don’t come to me asking me
to go searching. I have much better things to do. < ---- which is what I haven’t had the time to
figure out.
I’m most probably rattling my brain for a sad excuse to blog
because of the incident that happened today. I left my id card in my bag and
therefore tried forging into the dorm by using my friend’s id. Well,
unfortunately.. (didn’t I tell ya before luck never sides me?) I was found out.
I don’t mind that because it happens to college students.. this mischief is
what makes things going but the part where the guard said she didn’t like
people forging ids… I was pissed. I didn’t even bother looking at her face. C’mon
man. Be realistic. I saw her letting the seniors in and out of the dorm.. SHE
DOES THAT TO ALL THE MALAYS.( no offence.. well heck. I don’t care if you do
either). AND TELL ME, WHAT RIGHT DOES SHE HAVE TO SAY THAT TO A FRESHMAN LIKE
ME?!
#going
crazy and really confused#
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