Making choices

Why can’t i make a simple choice?
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The throbbing head and hammering questions lingering in my head makes me wanna’ puke at myself. Am i that undecidable? What do i actually want in my life? sighs*.. TT.TT if you ask me, making a choice could be my worst nightmare- sometimes. It’s as if you know it would turn out right, but what if.. WHAT IF... things turn out sour? Will i be able to handle it? Am i that interested in the career that i’d be willing to preevere?

*tears accumulating*

 i feel absolutely useless. Why did god have to create a human being so perfect (in the sense of no terminating disease or handicapped) and present a puzzle together? I mean, what’s so hard in choosing what you like to do? Look... this is why i feel i can’t decide. I love to write... but the thing is, when i see or read novels and WATTPAD, i feel there are much more people who are potential writers and i feel.. well, kind of insecure (if you know what i mean) i feel i might not stand a chance against them.. i’m definitely not optimistic, the way i express my inner feelings towards myself, neither am i completely pessimistic; because i don’t give up entirely. This is where the trouble begins, i’m captured between the two... trying to make decisions and trying  to judge.

 MY LIFE’S COMPLICATED AND I’M MUCH MORE COMPLICATED. 

You know why when i grow up i would like to have a room to which i could stare up to the empty sky wonder in the galaxy of stars? Yeah, to reflect on my decisions and whatever i’m facing. I feel staring up at the stars could make me a bit relaxed and self-appreciative.

 *crying*(don’t mind me- though there might not be anyone reading this)

 self- appreciative? Wait a sec. Who am i kidding?! I could be the uttermost timid person on earth!!!  I'm incapable of getting my confidence right. I know it doesn't make sense, but alas, my life doesn’t, i don’t.. why should what i say make sense?.. forget what i just crapped. i’m already screwed up anyway. I often find myself comparing to others and i don’t know what i want. I‘m a ship sailing without proper navigation. I’m useless in the' courage the cowardly dog' show.

 I’m everything but what you know me of. I’m an actress when it comes to communicating with people. I’m fake. I’m even unsure of what i am!!!

 #sad sad story of a girl#